Language in Amateur and Youth Football

The lexicon of football has long been ridiculed and rightly so. British football, at its lowest and highest levels, finds itself in the grip of phrases so absurd and counter-productive that even saying them makes you a worse player or coach. This is with the exception of the smug blog poster, in which case it makes you a worse human being.

A player showing textbook technique to get rid of the ball
his team spend the game trying to win

The old classic, "get rid", has long been a staple of the amateur coach and competitive parent. This usually leads to the young - or in some cases old - player treating the ball as if it is an unpinned grenade that should be smashed forward lest it explode in their penalty area. The phrase suggests that having the ball at your feet is a dangerous exercise and it is better to get the ball as far away from "the danger area" as fast as possible. It is a well known fact, of course, that anyone who plays in defence is not a good footballer and is just about capable of kicking the ball a long way and getting in the way of the better players.


Another favourite of the amateur coach is that his team have "stopped talking" or a similar variant. Whilst I agree that a good conservation can really liven up a dull game I can't say it is what I went into football for. If I had, I would certainly have been disappointed. Sometimes, players will be told that they are in possession of "time". Regrettably, I have yet to see any opposing players pull out Bernard's watch and manipulate time.  Players will also often find that they have left their four leaf clover and horseshoe in the changing room as they are often told that they are "unlucky", when in fact they have committed an error that is really their own fault. Rather perversely, if a player does eventually receive the luck that has previously deserted him he is often treated by opposition coaches and players as if he has cheated in some way. The definition of luck is for something to happen by chance rather than through ones own endeavours.

My favourite instruction that I have heard from an opposition coach was a desperate call to his team: "Come on guys, play better". Whilst this did not appear to set off any eureka moments for the players involved, at least the players knew exactly what the coach wanted.